Well it's my last spring break, I'm home catching up on sleep and hanging out with Rosie. I was so excited to come home but now that I'm here I sort of just feel alone. At school I have so many distractions, work, class, friends. Here I just have me and my thoughts and it's sort of intimidating. I have so many questions and no answers. I need answers.
I've noticed that when I'm lonely I tend to miss people and places more but I don't know if I was with those people or at those places if things would be any better. I might be distracted but it's more that I miss the emotions that accompany those people and places and I need to find them in my present location. I impose emotions onto people, expecting them to provide me with those feelings when truly it is my job to find them within myself. And I'm frustrated with my current inability to provide myself with joy.
I know I should live in the moment but the future worries me. At the same time I have faith that I will end up where ever I am meant to be. I just wish I had an inkling of where that is. But I suppose that's what's exciting about all of this, the complete openness of it all. I could go anywhere anytime, who knows where that will be.
Rosie is planning on making the move to the City in May and I envy her excitement. We moved some of her stuff back to her parent's house today and while we were driving her dad's truck a bunch of her boxes flew out of the back and into the road so we had to turn around and she had to dodge traffic to pick them up. It was pretty hilarious, especially since a truck full of mexicans on their lunch break sat laughing at us as we maneuvered through traffic to grab them all.
Where am I going?
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