By Bethany Joy Lenz
Ah this song is soooo good!
And this part totally fits me right now.
Yes, I know I'm emo.
I always said that I would make mistakes
I’m only human and that’s my saving grace
I’ll fall as hard as I try
So don’t be blinded
See me as I really am
I have flaws and sometimes I even sin
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I just finished reading Tender at the Bone by Ruth Reichl. I really enjoyed it, her writing style is casual and easy to identify with. Her life has been so eventful but her book makes it all feel so normal while still keeping it interesting. I look forward to getting her second book Comfort Me With Apples. In the mean time I'm thinking about eating these:
Artpark Brownies
2/3 cup butter
5 oz unsweetened best quality French Chocolate
2 tsp Vanilla
4 eggs
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups sugar
1 cup sifted flour
Preheat oven to 400 degrees
Melt butter and chocolate together.
Beat eggs and salt in mixer, add sugar and beat at high speed for about 10mins, mixture should be white.
Add chocolate and butter to mixture and beat at low speed until mixed. Add flour and combine quickly until there are no white streaks.
Pour into pan and put in oven. Turn oven down to 350 degrees and bake for 40mins.
Brownies should be fudgy so don't overbake.
Artpark Brownies
2/3 cup butter
5 oz unsweetened best quality French Chocolate
2 tsp Vanilla
4 eggs
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups sugar
1 cup sifted flour
Preheat oven to 400 degrees
Melt butter and chocolate together.
Beat eggs and salt in mixer, add sugar and beat at high speed for about 10mins, mixture should be white.
Add chocolate and butter to mixture and beat at low speed until mixed. Add flour and combine quickly until there are no white streaks.
Pour into pan and put in oven. Turn oven down to 350 degrees and bake for 40mins.
Brownies should be fudgy so don't overbake.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sooo good! Also I had nothing to do at work today so this was an extremely satisfying way to pass the time.
http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/
http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/
Monday, April 27, 2009
April into May
[yes I know I have too much time on my hands]
My boss, Liz, leaves tomorrow for Morocco. So I shall be in a fairly empty office for the next three weeks. My co-intern has left :( and the Programs Director has a week of vacation and then is off to Morocco to join Liz.
Apparently my next project is to measure impact of NEF based on response to our projects and what is produced in different countries by our work. Sounds like a lot of going through reports and papers. Should be fun to learn about though.
Also we are studying war reporting in my journalism class. It's really interesting, I like this kind of writing a lot. I can't really seem myself doing it but I think it would be amazing. I'd probably get killed though, so I'll stick to other types of writing.
Looks like I'm going to Kashmir next winter for project, if things go well. The head of my department said there is money for sp travel/research. So cool! Unfortunately I am still wrestling with my ideas a bit and I've got to figure out some new plans.
Oh well, on to bigger and better things. I am three days away from the best weekend ever, epic adventures and great friends. Only an essay and 18 hours of work away. Yay!
[yes I know I have too much time on my hands]
My boss, Liz, leaves tomorrow for Morocco. So I shall be in a fairly empty office for the next three weeks. My co-intern has left :( and the Programs Director has a week of vacation and then is off to Morocco to join Liz.
Apparently my next project is to measure impact of NEF based on response to our projects and what is produced in different countries by our work. Sounds like a lot of going through reports and papers. Should be fun to learn about though.
Also we are studying war reporting in my journalism class. It's really interesting, I like this kind of writing a lot. I can't really seem myself doing it but I think it would be amazing. I'd probably get killed though, so I'll stick to other types of writing.
Looks like I'm going to Kashmir next winter for project, if things go well. The head of my department said there is money for sp travel/research. So cool! Unfortunately I am still wrestling with my ideas a bit and I've got to figure out some new plans.
Oh well, on to bigger and better things. I am three days away from the best weekend ever, epic adventures and great friends. Only an essay and 18 hours of work away. Yay!
सुम्मेर निघ्ट्स
Summer Nights
I remember great summers.
Seven Element Salmon and platters of cake.
Every morning was fun because I knew the day would end with you.
The park at dusk... I still love sitting on those swings.
The gazebo where the beginning of our end repeated itself.
Parked cars and cold nights. Pizza lunchables are still delicious.
How did we talk for hours on end about everything?
Long breaks between lunch and dinner shift spent the same way day after day.
Round two, the spark had faded and we were set in a rhythm.
It's funny that these months are less clear in my mind. I wish you had come to watch fireworks with me on that clear July night. You left and we faded away over long winter nights and cool spring days.
Round three, so afraid to take the wrong steps. I tried and I sometimes I wish that it could have all just worked. Cold nights and itchy blankets. The stars are so bright away from city lights. I still have the ticket from that movie somewhere, I think it was Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Then I left and fragile agreements quickly fell apart all over again.After all this time you are on your way and I am on mine but I'm still confused.
How did I end up here?
How much have I changed?
You plan too and you seem to have it all worked out.
I'm still searching, and enjoying the adventure.
But sometimes I wonder...
I remember great summers.
Seven Element Salmon and platters of cake.
Every morning was fun because I knew the day would end with you.
The park at dusk... I still love sitting on those swings.
The gazebo where the beginning of our end repeated itself.
Parked cars and cold nights. Pizza lunchables are still delicious.
How did we talk for hours on end about everything?
Long breaks between lunch and dinner shift spent the same way day after day.
Round two, the spark had faded and we were set in a rhythm.
It's funny that these months are less clear in my mind. I wish you had come to watch fireworks with me on that clear July night. You left and we faded away over long winter nights and cool spring days.
Round three, so afraid to take the wrong steps. I tried and I sometimes I wish that it could have all just worked. Cold nights and itchy blankets. The stars are so bright away from city lights. I still have the ticket from that movie somewhere, I think it was Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Then I left and fragile agreements quickly fell apart all over again.After all this time you are on your way and I am on mine but I'm still confused.
How did I end up here?
How much have I changed?
You plan too and you seem to have it all worked out.
I'm still searching, and enjoying the adventure.
But sometimes I wonder...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Chupa Chups
We thought there was going to be 15 layers inside, unfortunately there was just 15 mini ones.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I just found out that the guy who used to clean the carpets at my moms store and our house committed suicide a few days ago. I've known him forever! And he just sat down in his chair and shot himself twice while watching TV. He has a family, a son. I wonder if it was the economy or depression or just that life had been hard for a while. It takes a lot of willpower to kill yourself. I wonder what separates the people who have the most horrible lives and fight everyday to live and the people who are just unhappy with difficult lives who truly want to die. What keeps those people from doing the opposite?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tequila Jacks and Gummy Bears
Sooooooooo much work to do! Spring Fling better be amazing, it just has to be because I need a break hardcore. Asher and I finally hitched up our cajones and ate at Tequila Jacks. It was surprisingly good and not as sketchy as we originally thought it would be. Rainbow Sherbert ice cream for dessert.
It's my anniversary the day after tomorrow, so many years just flying by.
My professor gave me some book recommendations on Ireland. Hopefully I'll have time over the summer to read one, I can't wait to go there. I secretly want to marry an irishman hehe. Tall, lanky, black hair, green/blue eyes, lilting accent...just my type.
Choosing classes for next semester is proving to be quite a pain, I have one down, two to go. I was all ready to go for Symbolic Logic and then I discovered that the professor almost bored me to death Freshman year so that's out. And noone else is getting back to me!!! It's driving me nuts. Hopefully things come through soon, I don't want to be stuck running around searching for courses last minute like I was last year.
Oh yeah I forgot to mention, I got my internship at HRF for the summer! And my co-intern who starts when I do facebooked me, she's from Yale. I can't wait for it all to begin!
Gummy bears are delicious.
It's my anniversary the day after tomorrow, so many years just flying by.
My professor gave me some book recommendations on Ireland. Hopefully I'll have time over the summer to read one, I can't wait to go there. I secretly want to marry an irishman hehe. Tall, lanky, black hair, green/blue eyes, lilting accent...just my type.
Choosing classes for next semester is proving to be quite a pain, I have one down, two to go. I was all ready to go for Symbolic Logic and then I discovered that the professor almost bored me to death Freshman year so that's out. And noone else is getting back to me!!! It's driving me nuts. Hopefully things come through soon, I don't want to be stuck running around searching for courses last minute like I was last year.
Oh yeah I forgot to mention, I got my internship at HRF for the summer! And my co-intern who starts when I do facebooked me, she's from Yale. I can't wait for it all to begin!
Gummy bears are delicious.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The times they are a changin...
It rained today. Windy as I stepped out of the 59th St station. Water hit my face, clean and cool, making me smile. I started The Much Too Promised Land, I'm really enjoying it even though I know I have to speed read and kill myself this coming weekend so that the one after will be stress free. I keep going back and forth between whether or not I should go to Spring Fling but I think it will be fun. Plus I haven't seen some of my friends in a while so it will be good.
I saw Ruth Reichel tonight at the Y. She talked about her new book which is about her mother but she is a food writer and the Editor-in-Chief for Gourmet magazine. She signed my book and complimented my name. Last week was Isabel Allende, Strobe Talbott and Megan McCafferty. I am going to miss the City. I think it has sucked me in and I've turned into one of those people, you know who I mean.
I don't like who I have become lately and it's troubling. Most of me is good and happy and doing great but there's pieces that need to be realigned and I'm not sure when they fell out of place. It's disappointing when you realize you didn't even notice the fall. I have begun to isolate myself again, as I have the tendency to do. I got out a little, to eat and to the movies. Asher and I have fun together but even when it comes to seeing something new at the theater, I tend to go alone. I guess I have a low tolerance for people if they don't seem to fit just right. I guess I'm picky.
I might start submitting some work to different magazines, it would be nice to get some pieces out there. Hopefully...
Only a month left until Summer! And then classes start a week later haha but I think it's going to be awesome. I'm excited!
I had a dream last night that I was training to be an assassin and I killed some guy. It was very strange.
Change is coming, I can feel it.
I saw Ruth Reichel tonight at the Y. She talked about her new book which is about her mother but she is a food writer and the Editor-in-Chief for Gourmet magazine. She signed my book and complimented my name. Last week was Isabel Allende, Strobe Talbott and Megan McCafferty. I am going to miss the City. I think it has sucked me in and I've turned into one of those people, you know who I mean.
I don't like who I have become lately and it's troubling. Most of me is good and happy and doing great but there's pieces that need to be realigned and I'm not sure when they fell out of place. It's disappointing when you realize you didn't even notice the fall. I have begun to isolate myself again, as I have the tendency to do. I got out a little, to eat and to the movies. Asher and I have fun together but even when it comes to seeing something new at the theater, I tend to go alone. I guess I have a low tolerance for people if they don't seem to fit just right. I guess I'm picky.
I might start submitting some work to different magazines, it would be nice to get some pieces out there. Hopefully...
Only a month left until Summer! And then classes start a week later haha but I think it's going to be awesome. I'm excited!
I had a dream last night that I was training to be an assassin and I killed some guy. It was very strange.
Change is coming, I can feel it.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Present Presence Future
Time is going by so quickly. Finals are almost here and then it will be summer and I will be starting all over again. My life lately has seemed like one fresh start after another with bits and pieces of the past mixed in.
I feel like South Africa was life changing for the people I spent time with there but not so much for me. I didn't even meet anyone that I felt a strong connection to, I haven't stayed in touch with anyone and maybe that bothers me in the abstract idea that I should have made friends that would last but emotionally I really don't mind.
I just feel so lucky to have the close friends that are in my life that for me the people that don't stick don't matter. When I connect with someone I connect all the way and they become my friend for life, or at least for a while and when I don't the friendship is fairly superficial. I will talk about silly issues and maybe even talk about serious things but then when we part and the hint of connection fades I don't even look back I just keep on going.
Sometimes I wonder if that is what will happen with most of my friends from college and I know it probably will. A few will stick, emails and phone calls and rare visits will keep the relationship alive while everyone else will fade to faint memories.
It's funny to think about how many people enter your life for a brief time and then leave and you may never know how they affected you or even if they did at all. Sometimes i wonder how I affect other people, within a brief period of time or long term, how does my presence change a person? What is the impact when I'm gone? What would the difference be if I had never been present at all?
I feel like South Africa was life changing for the people I spent time with there but not so much for me. I didn't even meet anyone that I felt a strong connection to, I haven't stayed in touch with anyone and maybe that bothers me in the abstract idea that I should have made friends that would last but emotionally I really don't mind.
I just feel so lucky to have the close friends that are in my life that for me the people that don't stick don't matter. When I connect with someone I connect all the way and they become my friend for life, or at least for a while and when I don't the friendship is fairly superficial. I will talk about silly issues and maybe even talk about serious things but then when we part and the hint of connection fades I don't even look back I just keep on going.
Sometimes I wonder if that is what will happen with most of my friends from college and I know it probably will. A few will stick, emails and phone calls and rare visits will keep the relationship alive while everyone else will fade to faint memories.
It's funny to think about how many people enter your life for a brief time and then leave and you may never know how they affected you or even if they did at all. Sometimes i wonder how I affect other people, within a brief period of time or long term, how does my presence change a person? What is the impact when I'm gone? What would the difference be if I had never been present at all?
Thursday, April 9, 2009
HRF
Well I had my interview and I believe it went quite well. I should hear next week whether I got the job or not. HRF is on Fashion Ave. and it's actually in the same building as MSF haha. It seems like a nice area, not as fancy shmansy as Broad St. I hope I get it!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Pretty funny
http://www.hulu.com/watch/66317/saturday-night-live-girlfriend-voice
http://www.hulu.com/watch/56632/saturday-night-live-digital-short-im-on-a-boat
http://www.hulu.com/watch/16771/saturday-night-live-digital-short-iran-so-far
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1397/saturday-night-live-snl-digital-short-lazy-sunday
http://www.hulu.com/watch/56632/saturday-night-live-digital-short-im-on-a-boat
http://www.hulu.com/watch/16771/saturday-night-live-digital-short-iran-so-far
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1397/saturday-night-live-snl-digital-short-lazy-sunday
Saturday, April 4, 2009
quote
"Don’t wait around for life to happen to you. Find something that makes you happy, and do it. Because everything else is all just background noise."
-Ryan Chappelle
-Ryan Chappelle
Friday, April 3, 2009
Friday!
I got a haircut today! It was so nice to get my hair shampooed and conditioned and now it's all fresh and healthy feeling. I love it. Natasha got hers done too but she got a lot cut off and got highlights!!! I am just waiting for the remains of my highlights to grow out, I want it solid again.
I was pretty unproductive today, Jonny's midterm really has to be tackled tomorrow...IR theory is really scary, I'm totally freaked about the final in that class but I will deal with it when I have to.
I spent four hours in B&N today by myself. It was so great, it felt like before and I just felt like myself again, boring and content :p
I wonder when I'm going to hear about senior project...
I miss it.
Life is busy and overwhelming and unexpected and slightly painful but oh so good.
I was pretty unproductive today, Jonny's midterm really has to be tackled tomorrow...IR theory is really scary, I'm totally freaked about the final in that class but I will deal with it when I have to.
I spent four hours in B&N today by myself. It was so great, it felt like before and I just felt like myself again, boring and content :p
I wonder when I'm going to hear about senior project...
I miss it.
Life is busy and overwhelming and unexpected and slightly painful but oh so good.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Scraped Knees and a Crooked Grin
Life is so confusing. I think someone up there is laughing hysterically at my life. Even I have to admit it's all pretty hilarious. It's always one thing after another over and over again. There's never enough time to just be and have it all be ok. I'm totally freaked out about senior project. I don't know what I'll do if they say no...And the work just keeps piling up. I'm a silly girl for wanting to do summer classes haha. It's going to be great though. I wish I didn't have such a deep desire to figure things out, I really should just go with the flow and not overanalyze but I do. I'm only human after all, it's what we do. Oh well, I have a lot of work this weekend but I'm going to go to dinner with Asher tomorrow and we are going to eat amazing Tiramisu and hang out with Sarah (hopefully) on Saturday and be all done with my work for a little while. It's going to be great!
"Yet what is any ocean but a multitude of drops?"
The Shadow Queen -Bishop
The Castle of Crossed Destinies -Calvino
Naamah's Kiss -Carey
The Mysteries of Pittsburghh -Chabon
Along for the Ride -Dessen
Skin Trade -Hamilton
Perfect Fifths -McCafferty
Cloud Atlas -Mitchell
Handle With Care -Picoult
The Wise Man's Fear -Rothfuss
Maps of the Imagination -Turchi
The Castle of Crossed Destinies -Calvino
Naamah's Kiss -Carey
The Mysteries of Pittsburghh -Chabon
Along for the Ride -Dessen
Skin Trade -Hamilton
Perfect Fifths -McCafferty
Cloud Atlas -Mitchell
Handle With Care -Picoult
The Wise Man's Fear -Rothfuss
Maps of the Imagination -Turchi
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