Thursday, March 12, 2009
Restless
It is that time of night, when if I stay up late enough, I want to talk for hours on end. I always seem to get to this point where if asked I would just let it all out, everything that is on my mind. The words bubble up but they don't quite brim over. So I end up tossing and turning until finally sleep takes me and in the morning my restless night is a vague memory.
Busy Bee
Ahhhhhh my reporting professor gives us so much work. I have a 2,200 word article due next week and I'm freaking out about how to write it. I saw Archbishop Desmond Tutu speak last night at this beautiful (Riverside) church and it was really great to hear him talk about abolishing capital punishment in America. I'm also going to a book signing for Molly Wizenburg who writes the awesome blog Orangette, next Wednesday and I can't wait. Her book looks really amazing. I read the intro on Amazon.com and it was sooooooo good. D is coming to the city this weekend, I told him I wouldn't bail this time so it will be nice to chill. And I'm going to see the Upright Citizens Brigade on Sunday. Busy busy week. My mom comes back to the city on Wednesday and we leave for home on Friday. Spring Break is screaming my name and I can't wait to be free of this place for a little while. I need to clear my head, home is the perfect place to do it.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Love 2006
You speak words of love
And I don't comprehend the meaning
You say you're fast and reckless
And that you love me for what I am and am not
But I wonder when the love will fade
Because it always does
You worship what we had
While I look forward for new adventures
You say I am your drug
But then what is mine?
Because I know that you are not the fix I need
Or maybe you are and I just don't know yet
I don't know myself
And I know that I am tempted by so much more
I don't want to hurt you or me
But I know it always happens even when I start to believe
That we could last forever
Then the boredom sets in and I see the end
Coming closer and closer until it is time
I cut you off before you speak so I can let the words out
I vomit out the searing comments
We are done and over with
Until you come back and want more
Again you crave what I have to give
But can I give it to you again?
You say we can work
And I cringe at your hope
Feeling that it can't work
Maybe I do shoot things down too fast
To protect myself and others
Who knows?
I will try
Really I will
But please please
Free me, don't clip my wings
I will fly and come home when it is time
Though don't expect that home to be you
Because I always hoped that home would be in me
I crave to be self-sufficient
I also crave a shoulder to lean on
I know I am confusing
It's amazing that you can deal with it
You know me so well
And you read me more than I want sometimes
You have kept me safe and stable
I hope you are by my side in some way or another
Forever…for eternity
And I don't comprehend the meaning
You say you're fast and reckless
And that you love me for what I am and am not
But I wonder when the love will fade
Because it always does
You worship what we had
While I look forward for new adventures
You say I am your drug
But then what is mine?
Because I know that you are not the fix I need
Or maybe you are and I just don't know yet
I don't know myself
And I know that I am tempted by so much more
I don't want to hurt you or me
But I know it always happens even when I start to believe
That we could last forever
Then the boredom sets in and I see the end
Coming closer and closer until it is time
I cut you off before you speak so I can let the words out
I vomit out the searing comments
We are done and over with
Until you come back and want more
Again you crave what I have to give
But can I give it to you again?
You say we can work
And I cringe at your hope
Feeling that it can't work
Maybe I do shoot things down too fast
To protect myself and others
Who knows?
I will try
Really I will
But please please
Free me, don't clip my wings
I will fly and come home when it is time
Though don't expect that home to be you
Because I always hoped that home would be in me
I crave to be self-sufficient
I also crave a shoulder to lean on
I know I am confusing
It's amazing that you can deal with it
You know me so well
And you read me more than I want sometimes
You have kept me safe and stable
I hope you are by my side in some way or another
Forever…for eternity
Monday, March 9, 2009
Radha Krishna
"Of course, he would know, he knew me better than I knew myself. His arm came around and pulled me close to his body, his heat seeped through the back of my shirt warming me to my core. I’m not sure when, but I eventually fell asleep in his familiar embrace, finally at peace, at least for a little while." -COTS
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
the rest can come later
It sucks when you realize that something you thought was over and done with is still lingering. You find that a tiny instant can trigger a memory and you're suddenly back to square one, extremely irritated.
I am happy here, I know I keep saying that but it's nice for a change, I walk down the street some days listening to my ipod and I'm just filled with such glee. I love my reporting class, my friends are cool people, the city holds so much potential for each and every day and yet I think Rosie is right. I allow myself to get caught up in the drama and the ridiculous details and they bring me down. I get wrapped up in what other people think and it crushes my good mood.
I am doing all that I can and hopefully I will bump into what I'm looking for one of these days but it's not about the people, it's about me and what my mind craves. Sure it would be nice to meet the right person and know that you're going to spend the rest of your life with them. I am a big romantic when it comes down to it all and I'm not into the random dating and the shit in between. I am into forever. I'm amused by the small stuff and at my age it's fun because I don't want a relationship now. But Rosie has a point, so I'm going to be more careful from now on.
I'm searching for my mental passion. The rest can come later.
I am happy here, I know I keep saying that but it's nice for a change, I walk down the street some days listening to my ipod and I'm just filled with such glee. I love my reporting class, my friends are cool people, the city holds so much potential for each and every day and yet I think Rosie is right. I allow myself to get caught up in the drama and the ridiculous details and they bring me down. I get wrapped up in what other people think and it crushes my good mood.
I am doing all that I can and hopefully I will bump into what I'm looking for one of these days but it's not about the people, it's about me and what my mind craves. Sure it would be nice to meet the right person and know that you're going to spend the rest of your life with them. I am a big romantic when it comes down to it all and I'm not into the random dating and the shit in between. I am into forever. I'm amused by the small stuff and at my age it's fun because I don't want a relationship now. But Rosie has a point, so I'm going to be more careful from now on.
I'm searching for my mental passion. The rest can come later.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Wishing It Would All Make Sense
I'm frustrated. With myself, with others assuming things about me, and with just not knowing where I'm headed. The city has pulled me in and while I haven't fallen in love I am enjoying the fling of it all.
On the academic front I'm really enjoying my International Reporting class. I feel like I'm not even taking any other classes because I always seem to be doing work for just that one.
On friday I went to Jackson Heights (Little India) to interview people about Slumdog Millionaire I ended up meeting some interesting people, and I left with great eyebrows and a full stomach. The threading was painful but the food was good and I brought home some Gulab Jamun which kept me satisfied over the weekend.
I also went and saw Rachel Getting Married on Saturday with my friend Chris. We both thought it was good but we weren't sure if we really liked it, I'm still not sure but I did enjoy watching it.
Sunday I hung out with my friend Jennifer. We ate thai food, not nearly as good as Rosies, walked around 5th Ave and then ate cake at Buttercup. It was a very fun girly day.
It snowed today and class was canceled, which was nice. The free time gave me a chance to do laundry and relax. I was kind of bummed out though because Mondays is the day I have reporting and now I'm going to be slightly lost when it comes time to do this weeks assignment. We're studying magazine writing this week which is interesting. One of the pieces we had to read was from The New Yorker. It is titled Betrayed by George Packer. Here's the link if you're interested:
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/03/26/070326fa_fact_packer
My mom comes to visit next week and then it's Spring Break. I can't believe how fast time is flying by.
On the academic front I'm really enjoying my International Reporting class. I feel like I'm not even taking any other classes because I always seem to be doing work for just that one.
On friday I went to Jackson Heights (Little India) to interview people about Slumdog Millionaire I ended up meeting some interesting people, and I left with great eyebrows and a full stomach. The threading was painful but the food was good and I brought home some Gulab Jamun which kept me satisfied over the weekend.
I also went and saw Rachel Getting Married on Saturday with my friend Chris. We both thought it was good but we weren't sure if we really liked it, I'm still not sure but I did enjoy watching it.
Sunday I hung out with my friend Jennifer. We ate thai food, not nearly as good as Rosies, walked around 5th Ave and then ate cake at Buttercup. It was a very fun girly day.
It snowed today and class was canceled, which was nice. The free time gave me a chance to do laundry and relax. I was kind of bummed out though because Mondays is the day I have reporting and now I'm going to be slightly lost when it comes time to do this weeks assignment. We're studying magazine writing this week which is interesting. One of the pieces we had to read was from The New Yorker. It is titled Betrayed by George Packer. Here's the link if you're interested:
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/03/26/070326fa_fact_packer
My mom comes to visit next week and then it's Spring Break. I can't believe how fast time is flying by.
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