Discombobulated Fervor

It's a wonder really, the relationships people create and maintain. The families that exist between strangers and the distance that can grow between those we call our own. I am amazed at the strength people have and I wonder if I could be that strong, that resilient...

I think I have a sense of the person I am and the person I want to become, but it's confusing and oh so difficult not to worry that it's all going to turn out horribly wrong. What if I spend my whole life waiting and one day realize my life has passed me by...I definitely don't want to end up regretting a life not lived.

I feel so...jaded by the world. Apathetic, touched by other people's heartaches but not motivated enough to solve problems. I guess I take my experiences for granted, I am grateful, I would not be the person I am without all that I have seen and the bit I have done within my short life. But...what am I going to do with it all? I'd really like to know...

The Dream in the Next Body

Cinnamon

I fall outside
the warm stole
of history.

Eyes run down my skin
like a single finger.

I find you

open as a tent.
You are cinnamon
curved around me.

-Gabeba Baderoon

Warm and Windy

I had my first exam yesterday: Culture and HR. I think it went pretty well :)
Today is one of my last days at LHR. I've been here since 9am and it's almost 4pm but it's been a good day. It was busy so it went by fast, I like days like this. I've really enjoyed my time at my internship, I feel like I've been exposed to an interesting part of the hr field. NGOs and global civil society, it's good stuff.
I bought a poetry book called The Dream in the next Body yesterday. The author is one of the people I saw read last week :)
I missed the debates last night :( I stayed up until just about 3am and then accidentally fell asleep, laaaaaaaaaaaame I know. I guess I will just have to watch them online. I can't believe the election is only 3 weeks away.
It's so warm and windy these days, perfect weather...

I love me some saxaphone

Some of my life building blocks have come tumbling down around me lately. I wonder at their failure to remain secure and glance inward to see what I've done to cause this destruction. I'm not sure if what I've become recently has created this fall from grace or if I just made a wrong move that could only been seen as such upon reflection and would have occurred no matter what. Sorry if that last bit didn't quite make sense, a lot of it doesn't make sense to me either...

It's been worth it right? Yes it has been.
What are you going to make of yourself? I still have no idea...
Can you chase your dream? I don't know if I have the courage

Well...you should get on that...

One Month Left

Last night I woke up around mindnight to a thunder storm. I could see lightening flashing through my curtains and hear rain pouring down, it was so loud at one point I thought that it was coming in through the window. It was kind of funny to have such a huge rain storm after almost two days without running water.

Classes are over. I'm done. All I have left is one essay and three exams, wish me luck.

"Our Word is Our Weapon"

Tomorrow is my last day of class. I can't believe it's finally coming to an end. I was not very thrilled about coming to South Africa and I remember when I arrived four months seemed like such a long time. But it's gone by so fast and I've had a blast, really. It's amazing how familiar and normal life is now, when I think to myself "I'm in South Africa" it sounds so different, like another place entirely, but here I am, it's become a home for the time being.
I worry that I haven't changed much, that this trip won't have affected me "enough." I feel so alive and interested here and I'm afraid I will become jaded and apathetic again upon returning to the states.
Last night I went to a poetry reading by Antjie Krog who wrote one of the books we had to read Country of My Skull I really like her writing style. She's actually Afrikaans so most of her work is in Afrikaans, and apparently she can't write her poetry in English, it just doesn't come to her that way so she translates it after if she wants. She read some of her Afrikaans poetry, it was interesting, the language is quite harsh. There were three other readers as well and one of them was a hip hop guy from Zimbabwe. He was white and he had dreadlocks all the way down to his waist. He was amazing, his work was really good and he was funny too. His name is Comrade Fatso and I want to get his album House of Hunger. The other poetry read was also beautiful. I'm really glad I went.
I bumped into a friend of Muhammed's after when everyone was mingling and eating food and we talked about the show a bit and he told me that his dad is going to Pune soon which was funny because I hadn't even told him that I stay there, so I was like 'wow that's my home in India' and I met his dad and told him to eat at Vaishali while he's there. That's where I eat basically all of my meals, my mom and I aren't really into cooking much...
I can't wait to go to India, sweet chai, sugar and ghee on chappatis, sambar fingers...it's definitely time.

Durban Disaster

This past weekend I went with the spring break crew +Sam to Durban for a short vacation expecting fun in the sun and lots of sleep. We left on a night bus on Thursday and arrived early Friday morning where we went to our hostel, Smith's cottage, and slept for a few hours before heading to the beach. We spent 3-4 hours swimming and reading before catching a taxi to Florida st. where we had an amazing lunch. We then walked around a bit before going back to the hostel to order in Indian food and watch King Arthur.

Saturday we woke up late and headed to the Victory st. market where we got scarves to cover our heads before going to the biggest mosque in the southern hemisphere. Mike and Claire got into a huge fight at the market because mike wandered off and Claire called him and yelled at him. It was ridiculous and dramatic and it caused a huge embarrassing scene. After the mosque we ate lunch and then some people wanted to buy liquor so we went into a liquor store, yes I know what a terrible decision. So we wait around while people who want to buy alcohol and Mike is sort of flashing his wallet around unaware and a few guys stop and stare at him before leaving the store. A few blocks away after leaving the store a couple of guys walk around me cause I'm at the back of the group and grab onto Mike and then about 5 more swarm over us out of nowhere and in minutes have taken Claire's bag and a few wallets and cell phones. Luckily I was completely ignored but they had guns and it was still a nerve wracking experience. Kristen (whos stuff was in Claire's bag) and Claire begin to cry as we walk to McDonalds to call our hostel to come pick us up. When we get back to the hostel Claire and Mike end up yelling at each other all over again about what happened before but eventually things settle down and we settle in for the night with more Indian food and Good Will Hunting.

Sunday we go to the casino for sushi and the beach there because it's safer. I go watch Hellboy II while everyone else goes to the beach and then we go back to the hostel for, yep you guessed it, more Indian food and a movie:Kill Bill II. At 8:15 we pile into the van and go the bus station. The bus ride was fine, Harry Potter 7 on my iPod kept me sane. We arrived at the bus station around 5am and get taxis back to res. When we get there we end up getting a big fight over the money and the taxi driver gets pissed at Claire for telling him the situation is bullshit. He tells her she needs to have respect and that she can't come to South Africa with her white ways, she gets pissed and yells at him saying she isn't white and he's like whatever, Chinese. At on point he grabs onto her bag saying he wants his money but Mike pushes him back and yells at him more. Eventually I end up giving him the amount he wants, I apologize on behalf of my friend for swearing at him and we go to our rooms. The entire situation was ridiculous and in a way was an interesting experience. It just sucks because I don't think it's going to make my friends act any different. We are in a different country and it was horrible for the taxi drivers to be racist about the situation but at the same time, they are living in SA and they lived through apartheid. Of course when they look at us they are going to see spoiled, disrespectful, rich Americans.

Overall, an interesting trip. I'm definitely done with the drama for a while though.
Yesterday I went to Oriental Plaza which is in Fordsburg with Lydia and Khullet. I got new sunglasses and we walked around searching for backpacks for their trip to Botswana/Vic. Falls in a couple of weeks. It was fun.

One week of classes left. Then exams, ugh...